Seven things you should have left in 2017
1. Tide Pods
It’s not funny anymore. I’m really not sure if it ever was. Please stop eating laundry detergent. Please. Why is this a “challenge”? Why are we challenging people to eat detergent? As a member of this society I feel ashamed. Read a book.
You’re constantly saying you’ll get your shit together, but you just barely remember that reading you have to do at 12:30 am. Not good. Buy an overly expensive planner with some hispteresque design on the front. OR shit on capitalism and somehow stealthily *acquire* that baby yourself. Either way. Get a damn planner.
3. Idolizing social media icons
You know you follow way too many beauty gurus on Youtube. Way too many teenage boys doing teenage boy shit in LA. Too many “IG Models.” We aren't helping ourselves by constantly admiring people who get paid to look good and do outlandish shit. Hey, I know if I got payed to look good, I’d probably look like them too. & If I got payed to look like an idiot my life would be…... exactly the same but I’d have money.
4. Spending more than half of the day on our phones
How many times are you doing homework and you put down the pen and pick up your phone for a quick Instagram/Twitter scroll? Harmless. Until you get lost in a thread and that thread leads to another thread and soon enough an hour has passed by and you're wondering why your dog can’t say “I love you” like that other dog and are actually seriously contemplating attempting “squiggly eyebrows.” We’re better than this. We’re barely awake for 12 hours a day as it is, and we should maximize that time by being present in reality. Download an app that tracks your phone usage and you’ll soon be disgusted with yourself and try to put it down more.
5. Supporting people who don’t deserve it
This goes for celebrities and your closest friends. Everyone makes mistakes, but if their mistakes are constant and extremely offensive, it might be time to give them up. We’ve got enough shit going on without having to worry about defending people who suck. Let them suck on their own and not get their suckiness all over your brand new year.
6. Words that were never ours to use in the first place
Words that trivialize minority groups and empower bigots and discriminatory actions? Leave them in 2017. Don’t use gay as a insult and don’t say the N word if you're not black. Pretty simple.
When your bro-dude tells you he really fucking likes Taylor Swift’s new release, you can tell him he’s:
e. high off his ass
f. a lil bitch.
But he’s not gay unless he’s actually gay, and if he was actually gay you wouldn’t be telling him he was gay right? Cause that’s just redundant....
Perhaps something we all forget is that this meaningless concept of time our world has adopted has caused society to place significance on the beginning of a new calendar cycle. Because this is just how it is, embrace it. Leave 2017 in 2017. Don’t carry over your C+ in bio or your heartbreak by one of those 9 Guys You Blew in Thurston. You may not know this, but what happened, happened and there’s nothing we can do about it, so we might as well go into 2018 without carrying our past fuck ups with us. It doesn’t leave much room for new ones.
Happy New Year!
This article is opinion in nature.
Originally published on gw.therival.news by Gianna Arnaldy on 2.8.2018.