Things cheaper than pregnancy insurance under AHCA

The House narrowly approved a bill on Thursday to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act. The bill, known as the American Health Care Act, allows states to opt out of Obama-era regulations about pre-existing conditions, leaving many concerned that their premiums will skyrocket. It has been estimated that under the AHCA, surcharges for people with diabetes or asthma could go up a few thousand dollars.

Pregnancy, as well as many other female-specific medical issues, can be counted as a pre-existing condition, with the surcharge estimated to go up by $17,000.

Just how much is $17,000? Well, here are some things that are cheaper than being pregnant under the AHCA:

Founding Farmers’ mimosas

If you really love D.C. brunch, consider living here for the next decade. For $17,000, you could go to Founding Farmers for brunch every single Sunday, 52 weeks a year, for 10 years, and have two to three mimosas each time.

Round-trip flight to Paris

You and your significant other could decide to have a child, or you could take a round-trip flight to Paris, business class, on American Airlines for $17,000 (and just think about all the souvenirs you could buy when you skip out on new parent costs!).

Buy a 2016 car

For a little under $16,000, you could buy a 2016 Hyundai Accent or a Honda Accord. Some other options include makes by Chevrolet, Ford, and Kia.

Kendrick Lamar tickets

Not only could you get a ticket, you and three friends could get front-section tickets plus access to the lounge pre-show at the Verizon Center. And then buy the entire “DAMN.” album 1,401 times on iTunes.

Vasectomy, vasectomy reversal, and vasectomy

Since we’re talking about pregnancy costs, let’s talk about the option not to get anyone pregnant. Based on cost estimates from Planned Parenthood and the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics, for $17,000, you could get a vasectomy, have it undone later, and then get it done again.

Seriously. Three male reproductive surgeries together would cost the same as a pregnancy surcharge.

Live in Minneapolis for 18 months

Rent this cute two-bedroom apartment just north of Minneapolis for a year and a half. Comes with pool, sauna, gym, and playground!

(Photo via

(Photo via

Kylie lip kits

Do you have 19 friends’ birthdays coming up? Instead of getting pregnant, you can get each of them all 30 of Kylie’s lip kits.

LASIK eye surgery

While the cost of vision-correcting procedures varies, according to LASIK, the average cost is $2500 per eye. So, if you have bad vision, don’t get pregnant! Get eye surgery, and then buy 75 pairs of original Ray Bans with your name engraved on the frame to celebrate.

Take your foster child to Disney

Instead of giving $17,000 more to pregnancy, foster-to-adopt a child, stay in a resort at Disney World for a week, and then use your remaining $10K to start a college fund for your kid!

All eight rings from Ivanka’s Affinity collection

Got someone special in your life? Instead of helping pay for pregnancy, buy that special person the eight rings offered in this Ivanka Trump collection. Then, with your leftover money, buy 40 bottles of Trump sparkling wine to drink away your shame.

Buy, break, and replace iPhone 7 Plus

Clumsy people, listen up. Buying a rose gold iPhone 7 plus with all 256 GB, dropping it down a flight of stairs, and buying a new one is far cheaper than the raise in pregnancy premiums. So much cheaper, in fact, that you could buy, break, and replace eight times and still not hit $17,000.

Or, if you’re really clumsy, get the 32 GB and have up to 11 cycles of breaking and replacing.

Donate to Democrat House candidates in swing districts

To potentially resume health care coverage for pregnant women, cancer patients, and diabetics, donate to challengers in Republican districts that have the potential to swing left.

For $17,000, you can donate $261.53 to candidates in all 65 districts Swing Left has identified as having the possibility to turn blue. Kansas’ third district, for example, voted for Hillary Clinton by more than 6,000 votes in the presidential election, but its Republican representative voted for the AHCA.

And finally, if none of these appeal to you but you aren’t planning on becoming pregnant, consider sending $17,000 to my Venmo account.

Originally published at by Emily Milakovic on 5.8.17.
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