Best ways to “meet cute” on campus

Find the love of your life this Valentine’s Day

Basement computer lab of Rome Hall

Being late for class is never fun, but being late and having to print out an essay before getting there is even worse. Resigned to the worst, you head down to the shadowy, outdated computer lab - the inexplicable home of the building’s only printer. Surprisingly, an attractive stranger is already there and the smell of ink and hot paper become too much to bear...

Stealing from Whole Foods at same time

After loading up your hot bar container and grabbing a bottle of kombucha, you’re ready to make a break for the automatic doors. You have your Air Pods in and your hood up to combat the February chill when you knock into another Canada Goose-clad figure. You look up, surprised and nervous, but see your shifty expression reflected in the stranger’s eyes. You’ve got each other now and forever.

Being hit by a BMW in the H St. crosswalk

You don’t need to be a Corcoran student to know that red is the most sensual color. Red roses, red lipstick, red ribbons...and red blood leaching from the skulls of you and your new beau after being summarily plowed down by a Beamer speeding through the crosswalk between District House and Kogan Plaza. Nothing says “fate” like a romantic Emerg ride to the GW Hospital.

Sneaking to South Block for a smoothie without working out

It’s a new year and a new you, but the only resolution you’ve seemed to have kept is to eat more “health” food. You soon realize you’re not the only one shamefacedly heading up to South Block from G St. rather than the gym. Maybe it’s time to bond over some acai berries.

Getting spooked in front of the George Washington statue in Kogan

If you’re hoping to gasp and groan this Valentine’s Day, walking through Kogan at 3 am and catching sight of the bronze George Washington statue sitting on his bench should do the trick. Maybe if you get lucky, another Gelman refugee will be passing at the same time...

Finding your professor on Fetlife

You always knew your poli-sci professor was a bad boy, but now you have confirmation. You’d know that khaki-clad ass anywhere - even in a photo on the Internet’s leading fetish social networking site. Nipple clamps, chains, whips, ball gags - that’s just the tip of the iceberg with Dr. You-Know-Who. Armed with valuable information, you can make your next 9:35, a morning you’ll never forget.

Being the last frat boys in the house after a recruitment event

Chad and Brad, it’s time to be emotionally vulnerable and let your true feelings out. You’ve watched each other for months now. You know everything about the other, from the circuit he does at the gym to his expertly-devised Natty Lite chugging technique. Being cooped up together in an old brownstone has been your torturous nightmare...and your wildest dream come true.