YAF protests “too many snowflakes on campus!”


It has been a tough semester for GW’s chapter of the Young America’s Foundation. While some students reveled in the recent winter weather, members of YAF have struggled with the frosty welcome back to campus.

“As a proud member of YAF, I’m concerned with the growing number of entitled, snively snowflakes on this campus,” Tucker Ingraham complained this afternoon, standing next to a pile of melting snow. “I mean, their whole agenda is to silence free speech and make everyone feel cold and miserable. Plus, it makes everyone wet, which for women in very unchaste.”

“GW does not foster a safe environment for conservative students,” longtime YAF member Laura Carlson whined, gesturing toward the snow-covered statue of George Washington in Kogan Plaza. “Look at what the libtards did to our statue of George - who gives them the right to cover him up just because they take issue with all white men and the term “colonials”?”

YAF has a reputation on GW’s campus for being ultra-conservative and pro-Trump. Often lambasting liberal students for their stances on hate speech, their inability to take a joke, and overall sensitivity to the feelings of others, some prominent YAF members lost their fucking shit after a well-reasoned article noting similarities between Jesus Christ and the stereotypical lesbian woman appeared in this publication.

“You know, I bet these close-minded social justice warriors are going to snow on our fetus parade,” griped Steve Lahren, referring to YAF’s traditional pro-life demonstration. “Sure, it’s unnecessary, dehumanizing, and misogynist, but it’s my right as an American to be able to humiliate women as they walk through the nexus of campus without pro-choicers threatening inclement weather.”

Luckily for YAF, Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow this year, indicating an early spring. Perhaps with warmer weather approaching, members of YAF will have an easier remainder of the semester. For now, they will continue writing a proposal for a multi-billion dollar geothermic dome constructed around GW’s campus. The process has just begun, but reliable sources claim there are stipulations that the North Pole will be paying for it.

SatireFrances RoelYAF, snowflake